Yogically Speaking

The Dharma of Ass Beatings, Blood Loss and Random Injuries

2012-01-14T12:57:00.003-05:00

“I ask you right hereplease to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makerswant us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. Wemust see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it fromme, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.” Chris Cleave, Little Bee

In the late summer of 2007, the SUV I was driving flippedover and skidded two hundred yards on its roof (I’m omitting surrounding details here for the sake of honoring my repression). When it wasall over, I opened my eyes to discover I was dangling upside down in thepassenger seat, with my head hovering over the steering wheel, inches away froma surface that resembled concrete. It was hard to tell because there werehoards of broken glass blurring my vision. I glanced over at where the passengerwindow used to be and saw that my left arm was covered in a granulated mixtureof blood and glass that had impressed itself onto my skin. If an evil fairy hadmagic dust, that bitch had just sprinkled it all over me and rubbed it into myarm’s epidermis as part of some evil fairy master plan. As I stared at the openwound above my elbow, I remember thinking, “that’s odd, it doesn't even hurt.” Littledid I know that adrenaline and shock serve as pain killers in these type of situations. Thankfully,I could move the rest of my body and cognitively process what had just happened.So, no brain damage or paralyzed limbs there. Phew. I'm not sure how many minutes passed but within a short period of time, a firefighter rescue team arrived and safely pulled me from myvehicle, secured me to a stretcher and transported me to the nearest emergency room. As I went through that scene so famously depicted in movies and eveningtelevision -- where I was pushed down that white hall, nearly blinded by brightfluorescent hospital lights, with doctors and nurses looking down at me and speakingin mysterious medical gibberish, I thought “Damn. I hope I can stillstart yoga teacher training next week.”

Are you still with me? I told that story just to get yourattention and remind you to always wear your seat-belts! I’m a living, breathing seat-belt success story. OK, that’s not the real lesson here, but importantnonetheless. I really used that story to deflect from the giant elephant in the room.You know the one. In recent days the internet has been foaming at the mouth thanksto a scandalous NYT article discussing yoga’s occasional ability to causeinjuries. It was really groundbreaking shit. Well, more shit than groundbreaking. I've already thrown myuseless 2 cents in the bucket and won't waste anymore time on it. Thearticle did slightly steal my thunder however, because I started drafting thispost (about my injuries) over the holidays,way before that article reared its ugly little head and was still in draftform.

Anyway…

That car accident was one of the scariest experiencesof my life and probably my parents’ lives, and the lives of countless otherswho think I’m awesome and would naturally be devastated by my sudden death. Onthat night, my vehicle was completely totaled and I walked away a few hourslater with no severe injuries, just a minor laceration on my left arm (thefairy dust looked worse than it really was). Thanks to an incredible supportsystem, I could happily resume my life. There were many others before me who weren't so fortunate. The most difficult injury to overcome was the post-traumatic stress that hits after you've gone for a ride in a five thousand pound machine thatdecides to uncontrollably collide with the earth. In the weeks following my accident, yoga andmeditation helped me recover in ways that I can only describe as truly healingand immensely supportive.

For whatever reason, I was thinking about that accident as 2011came to a close. Early on New Years Eve I was hanging at my parents’ houserubbing china gel on my lower back which had been feeling sore in recent days, whena powerful wave of gratitude suddenly came over me. For once I had the time toget still, relax and exhale. I wasn't confined to an office chair and had allthe freedom in the world to prop myself up on pillows, rub my muscles withsmelly herbal ointments and take as many hot baths as I wanted. My slightphysical discomfort had opened a golden door of liberation. Lying there in my blissfulstate, I glanced over at the scar that remained on my left arm and began tothink about the other injuries from my past. How did they happen? And how did Ihandle them? Before long, I produced a mental inventory of all the injuriesthat had found their home with me at some point in the last nineteen years. I've listed some of the more noteworthy ones below starting with the earliest.

11 yrs old: Fractured leg in Mexico by wandering onto playgroundeerily resembling construction site.
13 yrs old: Sprained ankle in restaurant. Doc Martens were asize too big. It was the 90s.
20 yrs old: Sprained ankle in Bilbao, Spain.No explanation needed. Injuries of these types expected during chupinazos wherespontaneous piggy-back races are encouraged.
26 yrs old to present: Torn hamstring in ashtanga yogapractice during upavishta konasa. Injury likely due to brain thinking about cupcakes orsome other sugary pastry (unconfirmed).
28 yrs old: Bruised knees, elbows and ego. Face met concretein Dupont Circlewhile trying to walk and hold veggie wrap simultaneously.
29 yrs old: Sprained/pulled/busted hand in Dupont Circlevenue. Injury related to over-enthusiasm in running up flight of stairs forsalsa dancing.

Alright. So, maybe these injuries weren't entirelylife-changing or deserving of profound reflection. But, they affected my ~~reputation~~psyche in some meaningful way. I can look back and proudly laugh,cry or cringe at the various beatings my body has taken. Whether they lasted aday, a month or a year, my injuries came with a beginning and an end. Yet the equallyjarring nature of injuries can skyrocket many of us into a place of fear andopposition. We expend massive amounts of fruitless energy trying to determine whoor what is to blame for our injuries. How much money do we spend on doctors,painkillers, therapists, products and general crap just for the purpose ofreinforcing our belief that injuries must be done away with as quickly aspossible? I’m not discouraging or undermining the use of healing therapy by anymeans. I’m a strong advocate of numerous rehabilitative methods. But rarely dothose methods ask us to welcome our injuries and give them space to just be. Seldom does the message encourage us to invitean attitude of acceptance as a healing technique.

Injuries happen. They just do. Kinda like GOP Presidential debates. Oftentimes to our detriment. Especially when we wholeheartedly devote a large amount of time to a specificpractice, the probability for injuries increases. If we drive a car everydayfor twenty-six years the likelihood of being in a car accident is higher thanif we only drove a few occasions in our lifetime. If we practice yoga 6 days aweek for ten years, at some point we may pull a muscle. Basic laws ofstatistics aren't always on our side. But the path of devotion is not pavedwith lavender-scented Egyptian cotton. There are tests (and evil fairies) alongthe way. These tests may come in the form of injuries, heartbreak, betrayal, asense of failure or some other affliction. It doesn't mean we should give up. Otherwise,why get out of bed in the mornings? Hopefully, whatever our practice is, it willallow us to courageously come face-to-face with our own suffering. If we openourselves up to the possibility, an injury can be the greatest teacher ofall.

Noodles, yo.

2011-12-07T11:20:00.000-05:00

I'm certainly making up for my two month vacation away from this blog. The kool kats at Recovering Yogi have been so kind to post another one of my ~~stories~~ rants. Read it here (click with caution).

You may be wondering why there's a picture of a bowl of noodles above. If you have to ask, then you have no business here. For those of you who get it and live in DC, I highly recommend Toki Underground over on H Street. The wait time is a little ridiculous so get there early.

I hope to visit Yogically Speaking at least once more before The Year of Laura (2012) but if not, I wish you happy holidays and a rockstar new year!

Ashtanga and the Art of Being a Flake

2011-12-03T15:52:00.006-05:00

I admit it. I’m a total flake when it comes to Ashtanga. Ihate waking up early for Mysore practice. You will often find me practicing inmy kitchen late in the evening with MC Yogi playing in the background and lavenderincense fumes accompanying my sun salutations. But some nights, I’d rather just eat abowl of noodles instead. In the mornings, I make all kinds of excuses as to why my bedneeds me more than my mat. I say I’ll show up for practice and never do. I getbored doing the same poses every time so I make up my own flow on occasion.There is also something slightly masochistic about allowing teachers to twistmy body to resemble some dead sage I know nothing about (I mean no disrespectMr. Marichi but DAMN your poses are hard). In addition to flake,you may call me a sinner, rebel, bum, blasphemer, whatever…I can take it. I prefer Reject Ashtangi.

The origins of my flakiness date back to the days before Ieven knew what yoga was. Having attended parochial schools my entire life Ideveloped quite the aversion to authority, rituals and most forms ofindoctrination. Recovering Yogi says it best, “ACHOO! I’m allergic to your dogma.” I developed major allergiesto anyone on a podium with a Bible. Although, I think it was the pleated skirtsand Jesus camp that did it for me. In elementary school, I started with theBaptists, then went to the Lutherans for middle school, followed by theCatholics for high school and stuck with them (voluntarily) throughout collegeand grad school. At the end of it all, if you were even thinking aboutdiscussing your religious and spiritual agenda with me, I would tell youexactly where to shove it.

Naturally, this left me spiritually lost, unreliable andlazy…three top characteristics of a flake. I would go to mass with my family,but also read about Judaism, Hinduism and Buddhism. Harmless enough. We all gothrough investigative processes to discover what feels right for us. But Ididn’t want to do any real spiritual work. To hell with praying, attendingservices, giving money or committing to anything with “tradition” written allover it.

Thankfully, the universe helps us when we are lost. Myparents’ sacrifice for my education was not in vain. My favorite professor and mentor incollege, Profesora Tomas was a complete flake. Or at least I thought so. And,for some reason I wanted to be around her all the time. Birds of a feather, Iguess. She was from Argentina and would always show up to class late andunprepared. She strolled around campus with a Mona Lisa-like smile on her face,taking slow and intentional steps, looking at the trees and people around heras if she was walking into some magical forest for the first time. She seemedto have not a single care in the world. On one occasion after showing up late forclass, a student sarcastically asked her if she had forgotten her watch that day and with herchin pointed toward the sky, she responded in her deep, dramatic tone, “chronological time has neverinterested me.” Except, she said it in Spanish so it sounded much more poeticand eloquent. At that moment, something majorly clicked inside of me. What didtime matter? Why were we so attached to our own small reality in thisclassroom? Perhaps Profesora Tomas was unceasingly tardy, but herlectures were always profound and filled with passion. While we believed her tobe unprepared because she deviated from the printed syllabus, she never failed at teachingus something new and fun. I wanted THAT - whatever “that” concept was - to be mytradition and practice. This woman knew about a higher sense of joy and peace. Shehad an incredible ability to let go and be in the moment. Without knowing it, shehad taught me my first lesson in presence. From her, I learned that despite the nature of inconsistency,there is a plane of equanimity and happiness--our true home--that is constantlyflowing and waiting for us to meet it once again. She lived on that plane allthe time and I wanted to as well.

Inconsistency has been one of my greatest teachers on thepath of Ashtanga. It forces me to always return and start from scratch. For all the times I don’t show up, makeexcuses and milk the shit out of my flakiness, the practice is always therewaiting for me. Unchanged, patient, forgiving and unaffected by chronologicaltime. Comfort lies in its ritual. Ashtanga is a tradition that is challengingbut completely non-judgmental. It isdifficult at times for me to not carry over samskaras from parochialschool into other areas of my life. I forget to wipe “screw you,and your stupid rules!” off my forehead sometimes. But, I realize that no oneis going to admonish me from a podium for not showing up to the mat or make meconfess in a creepy dark room for skipping a pose. When my enormous ego andaversions get in the way of my practice, I remind myself of the basics ofAshtanga. It is by no means my religion, and it has no threatening dogma. Throughmy dedication to it, as spotty and fleeting as it may be, I am able to find my truehome and reconnect with a more aware version of myself: the part of me thatdeeply wants to be present and alive.

With Profesora Tomas (far left) in Merida, Mexico. Rest in peace. Thank you for your teachings!

Top 10 Signs I'm Turning 30...

2011-11-29T23:08:00.001-05:00

I just spent five wonderful days with my family and friendsin Texas. On Thanksgiving I left my grandmother’s house with a giant tray ofhomemade enchiladas and enormous bowl of my favorite soup, both made especiallyfor me. Being a long distance granddaughter who is still 12 years old in theeyes of her grandma is a rare and awesome identity. I wear that badge withpride. Leaving home is always hard, despite the fact that I’vebeen doing it since 2006. Five years of arriving and leaving, fluctuatingbetween two separate worlds. As I said goodbye to my Mom at the airport, Ilooked at her with tears in my eyes and cried, “the next time you see me I’llbe 30!” She laughed and gave me a big hug before handing me off to TSA.

I wasn’t crying because of my approaching arrival to thethird floor. It just always happens when I leave my Mom. Must be an onlydaughter thing. My journey to 30 has been a blast and I’m not taking any timehere to eulogize my 20’s. From what I hear, the view is much better on thethird floor anyway. But, in the last few weeks I had somepretty great “you know you’re turning 30 when” moments and I just had to sharemy top 10. Enjoy and commiserate with me if you dare.

I know I'm turning 30 when...

I buy three pairs of shoes at the Naturalizer store because ensuring my feet feel like they walk on pillows is now a top priority.
My holiday pre-gaming consists of a glass of sparkling light wine and a caprese salad.
I'm overly excited about coming up with creative nicknames for my friends' babies.
At the dinner table I tell my younger cousins stories of what it was like to party in my hometown "back in the day" (meaning the year 2000).
Conversations with friends suddenly include phrases like "sciatic nerve", "high ceilings" and "property value."
The hardest choice to make before a night out is which blazer and turtleneck to pair together.
At social gatherings, the topic of my sprouting gray hair is in the same discussion as brain cancer and flesh-eating bacteria.
My new guru is my facialist.
I go to Barnes & Noble and head straight for the self-help section.
A "fun" weekend is measured by purchases of decorative pillows and antique tea cups.

'Tis the Season to be Flake-ish...

2011-11-23T15:50:00.001-05:00

Getting a little adjustment by Certified Iyengar Teacher, Terence Ollivierra (Buddha B Yoga)

Yikes! It's been 2 whole months since my last post! I think I was derailed at some point between my first Iyengar workshop (see photo above), a double whammy of Ani Difranco (see photo below) and a trip to Philly to see Feist (see my brain's force field for that one). The good news is that I did write a new blog post. The even better news is that you have to go to RecoveringYogi to read it. Only good news here today, folks. My story has been published by my favorite yoga blog! Just in time for Thanksgiving. Hope you enjoy.

Ani Difranco put down the guitar for a little spoken word at 6th & I Synagogue (Oct. 2011)

Week 1: 108 Days to Durty Thirty

2011-09-05T21:33:00.001-04:00

Somewhere between Florida and DC, September 2011

Now that I'm no longer battling hurriquakes, I finally have time to de-brief after the first week of my Wellness Project. Over the last 7 days, I've experimented with gluten-free cooking, meditating on my morning bus ride and pushing my own DC bike riding boundaries. I even lost a few pints of blood along the way (it was totally voluntary). What's more surprising is that I somehow managed to maintain my wellness policy in Florida of all places! Thankfully, I had Mom, Dad and my little chihuahua Gizmo for encouragement.

I'm not gonna lie y'all, the first 3 days were rough. I won't elaborate as to why, but I'll just say it's for reasons that only women can truly understand. I had to fight major eye-rolling urges, the impulse to make snarky comments and over-the-top chardonnay cravings. In order to counter the evil forces of Smart-Assness and Possessed Hormones, I attended a yoga class in the park, went on a long bike ride and indulged in dark chocolate (that always seems to do the trick). I also used my frazzled energy to bake a healthy sweet bread (I'll add the recipe to my "food" page). Days 5-8 were the best because I was able to spend quality time with my dear Mama, Papa and Gizmo in Florida. There's nothing like Mom's words of wisdom, Dad's home-cooking and my puppy's unconditional love to bring you an ultra-special mega-dose of wellness. On Day 7 I donated blood to the Blood Alliance, something I hadn't done in years. I always felt guilty each time I received a voicemail from them asking for my blood type. Their donation trailer was conveniently placed along my activity path while in Florida. There's nothing like a little blood loss to seal the deal.

After a week of mindful cooking, awakened interaction and some karma yoga, I feel better knowing that I've incorporated more investigative intention into my life. These are all things I've done in the past, but I'm paying closer attention and really experiencing it in the present moment. The long term goal for this project is to create healthy habits and responses for the future, especially in the wake of change, strife and suffering. I can say that I feel happier, more organized and a stronger sense of overall positivity. The physical differences haven't been too profound, but I take it that'll change once I start my Ayurvedic cleanse next weekend (yikes!).

I'm grateful for all the support and encouragement from my friends and loved ones. Talking and sharing with you while you listen (or maybe pretend to listen) has been awesome!

Stay tuned for week 2!

Dharma Sprinkles

2011-08-20T13:56:00.000-04:00

This post is way overdue. Disclaimer: I'll be doing some major name dropping here.

I just realized that I let the entire summer pass me by without mentioning my experience at the Kalachakra with His Holiness the Dalai Lama (HHDL) in July. When I look back, I still can't believe that the weekend actually happened. In the days leading up to the Kalachakra, DC was all a-buzz with amazing energy. My daily routine was given a much welcome burst of freshness and change of pace as Buddhist monks sat next to me on my morning bus ride. They were often spotted hanging out in front of the local Whole Foods and partaking in the city bikeshare. I must say, it takes quite a bit of courage to ride a bike in DC...but riding while wearing a long robe...now, that's talent. I noticed there were less people on the metro with their heads buried in blackberrys as I received smiles and cordiality from passengers with prayer beads and Ganesh tattoos. There was even a strange crispness in the air, as if the all the enlightened energy was somehow making DC cooler and brighter. I savored the crap out of it. I wanted it to last forever. But, it was also no better time to acknowledge the impermanence of it all.

The weekend started with a World Peace lecture on the West Lawn of the Capitol. It was quite inspiring to see so many people show up at 7 a.m on a Saturday morning in honor of peace. The Reverend Desmond Tutu gave us all a big welcome via video screen with the message that it is up to each and everyone of us to cultivate peace. As he and his old friend the Dalai Lama reach the age of retirement, the time has come for them to enjoy solitude and contemplation. They have paved the way and we are now the future of peace activism. Whoopi Goldberg then came out as the emcee for the event and welcomed HHDL to the stage.

The Dalai Lama had a lot to say. He spoke for nearly 3 hours on the topic of happiness in the sweltering heat. I could write an entire essay on his lecture but will try to make it brief here. He told funny stories and spread his contagious laughter over the entire Capitol Hill area. The path to happiness is clear, he says. It begins from within. Only when we do away with formalities and extend "warm-heartedness" and compassion to others will we understand the true nature of happiness. As human beings we are born with a massive amount of intelligence, which causes us to create enormous difficulties for ourselves. The counter-force to these difficulties (ignorance, darkness and negativity) is awareness. As a simple Buddhist monk, he said that we didn't have to take his word for it or believe his message if we didn't want to. He encouraged us to, "think often, investigate, theorize and experiment. That is what develops conviction."

The following day, my friend and I attended the 3rd day of the Kalachakra event at the Verizon Center. A makeshift Tibetan market had popped up in the streets surrounding the Center and we had to dodge Nepalese vendors trying to sell us momos and mini-Buddha statues. As we entered the stadium and caught a glimpse of the stage, we both gasped and stood in awe of the radiant, ornate, and glowing altar. A flood of gratitude came over me for having the fortune of standing at that spot at that very moment. As we took our seats and listened to the sound of the making of the sand mandala and observed endless prostrations in the audience, a number of high lamas, including His Holiness the 17th Karmapa came to the stage to welcome HHDL. The 4-hour session begun with a chanting of the Heart Sutra and was followed by a very dense and philosophical discussion of the Buddha's teachings. Again, a little too deep to focus on for this piece. The Dalai Lama, strutting his famous red visor, often switched between English and Tibetan and had the help of his translator, Thupten Jinpa. The take-aways were many and I can't express enough how my heart expanded after the weekend ended.

We wrapped up the day with Sharon Salzberg and Krishna Das at the historic 6th and I Synagogue. From our seats in the second level we could spot Richard Gere in the front row with his entourage of Lamas. There was no better way to end the weekend than with some kirtan lead by the one and only KD!

Go and be creators of PEACE!

Allergies and Donuts

2011-08-03T23:32:00.001-04:00

I know that I'm still a few weeks away from officially starting my wellness project but I wanted to kick-off August with a good start and I gotta say...it hasn't been going so well. Four days into the month and I've done enough bitching to start my own talk show. I woke up earlier this week without being able to feel my face because I was punched by the king of all allergy attacks. I sat around for a few days complaining about my allergies as I allowed small mountains of tissues to pile up around my apartment. I was so fed up with all the sneezing and nose-blowing, I decided to reward myself with a donut. Yes. A donut. A fried piece of flour, glazed with processed sugar and covered in sprinkles. And it was good. For about...5 minutes. My allergies didn't go away. But the sugar rush I received from the donut inspired me to dig deep into the back of my bathroom cabinet and bust out the NETI POT...or what my friend calls, the "teapot of torture." Despite knowing how effective it is, I've never been a huge fan of the neti. I'm definitely an advocate of nasal irrigation and love to push it on others but don't enjoy practicing it myself. I only neti cleanse about 3 or 4 times a year and every time I do, I'm like a kid going to the dentist: I really need it but I don't wanna. No matter how hard I try not to, I always end up coughing and choking on salty nostril water. But, it totally worked. I've been allergy-free for over 24 hours now. I guess they don't call it a kriya for nuthin'. My lesson this week: BE INSPIRED, EAT MORE DONUTS!

Totally kidding...despite the donut, I've actually made some pretty significant dietary changes and have some really great recipes to share along my wellness journey. Check out the "Food" tab above for a few of them. More are on the way!

108 Days to Durty Thirty

2011-07-30T17:08:00.000-04:00

In your 20's, this picture has a perfectly legit explanation.

"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy.

One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself." Gretchen Rubin

Today, I realized that I'm approximately 5 months away from turning 30. Gasp! That means I only have 138 days to milk what's left of my roaring 20's! What to do?! Skydive? Botox? Freeze my eggs? Move to an ashram? There's gotta be some fabulously outrageous and cliché way for me to close out this decade. I've never been a fan of goodbyes, and it will be hard bidding farewell to my 20's. They were pretty darn good to me.

I must say, showing up for 30 is a rodeo I've been to many times. I've sat back and watched as those around me celebrated their 30th, some kicking and screaming as the day approached, while others welcomed it with open arms. For 30, I've done limos, wine tastings, pinatas, a Manhattan club circus party, and...well...that's all I can really disclose here [what happens at 30 stays at 30]. I always show up with bells on, ready to rock and my 30th is no different.

I'm not afraid of 30, by any means. Especially since 30 is totally the new 20 (right?). What I am afraid of are wrinkles and an increasingly slow metabolism. I heard a quote once that says "after 30, the body has a mind of it's own." Well, I for one am not giving my body one inch! So, instead of letting 30 take me, I'm taking 30 by the horns...gently and with love. Inspired by Gretchen Rubin and her Happiness Project, this hanging-by-a-string-29 year old is starting a wellness project...and you are all welcome to bear witness.

In the 108 days leading up to 30, starting August 29th, I will commit to doing one thing a day that contributes to my emotional and physical wellness. Whether it be through art, eating healthier, yoga, meditation, charity work, a new skincare regimen or simply opting out of unnecessary snapping toward people. Most of you who know me may say that I already live a pretty healthy lifestyle, strong in wellness department, however I must respectfully object. It's true that I practice yoga and eat lots of kale, or whatever, but I lack consistency and steady discipline. Yesterday, for example all I consumed were 4 cups of coffee and a granola bar, and I practiced no yoga or meditation. My stomach was very upset with me and I felt so lazy. Of course, at the end of the day, it's not a big deal, but if this body is going to last me through my 30's (and hopefully the years following) I have to do a better job of taking care of it. I also have a 9-5 desk job sitting at a computer all day and sometimes the stress and lethargy lead me straight to sugary pastries and choosing a glass of prosecco over yoga. This does not wellness make. There's nothing wrong with the occasional cookie or glass of wine, but over time the ethics of consumption become lost and it's the little things that count. The laziness and cookies add up to layers upon layers of bad decisions that can eventually cause serious illness and health problems. I figure if I start now, the less modifications I'll have to make later on.

This project is specifically about mindfulness and discipline, choosing insight over impulse and creating positive energy. As I age, the more I invite presence, I think the less averse I am to the aging process. By making a daily commitment I create healthy habits without giving myself too much room to be a slacker. At this point I haven't decided if I will write about it daily, weekly or monthly but most definitely the good, bad and ugly of it all will be posted right here on this blog. I will also post updates on my Facebook page. I invite you to comment and share any thoughts you may have.

Naturally 108 was chosen because of its spiritual significance. For those of you who may not know, 108 is a sacred and auspicious number in yogic philosophy, Buddhism and many other religions. It has deep roots in astrology, history, mathematics and literature. You can read more about it here.

This may turn into a hot mess, but it's worth a shot. Blast off to 30!

Diary of a Yoga Assistant: Lessons in Human Touch

2011-07-03T21:04:00.005-04:00

The Bishop's Garden at the National Cathedral, Washington, DC

A few months ago, I received agreat opportunity from one of my neighborhood yoga studios to assist in theirweekly ashtangaclasses. My duties would include providing the students with hands-onadjustments and verbal instructions on alignment during class. An added bonusof the job description also required that I serve as the studio’s official PropPolice by confiscating blocks that unsuspecting students would sneak past theteachers. Having taken nearly a year-long hiatus from teaching, Iwas looking to grow as a teacher and the new gig was extremely welcomed andappreciated.

I’ve compiled a list of the topfour lessons I’ve learned (and dusted the cobwebs off of) as a Yoga Assistantso far.

1. Everyone has a different bodyconstitution.

Simple enough. Yogis come in allsorts of beautiful shapes and sizes, with varying degrees of flexibility andmotion, and adjustments should reflect so. A beginner ashtangi willlikely not receive the full weight of my hands in their downward dog while amore regular practitioner can withstand a much higher degree of physicalpressure. The student’s body lets me know just how deep I can go bycommunicating it through the breath. This is my time to listen and tunein with the language of their ujjayi. There is a precise moment when the breathwill not let me go any further in an adjustment, and it happens just asnaturally as exhaling. Regardless of a student’s physical make-up, each andevery body has its own unique beauty and grace, which becomes more pronouncedand apparent through dedication to the practice.

2. Voice is just as powerful as touch.

“Flat palms damnit!” Justkidding. I would never say that. Out loud. No really though, as humorousas it may be, barking orders does nothing to help a student’s confidence orpersonal growth. In most academic classrooms you have students that are eithervisual or auditory learners. This doesn’t change in the yoga classroom.For some, the weight of one’s voice is more powerful than touch. By quietlywhispering a simple instruction such as “open the chest” I see the integrity ofthe entire asana change, and it is quite a beautiful transformation to witness.Its as if the student’s inner compass has finally figured out the rightdirection. I admire the strong listeners out there, I could learn a thing or two from you.

3. Laughter also counts as an officialadjustment.

Ashtanga is seriousbusiness. There’s memorization, tradition and jump-backsfor goodness sake! But, if we can’t laugh at ourselves in this practice, we mayas well just go home and admit that we have huge sticks stuck up our mula bandhas. In some of the most rigorous andsweaty parts of the class (ahem...like after the first navasana) I like to grab a student’s toes andpretend to tickle them in order to help them lift their legs higher. Why?Because I think toes are funny. Do they laugh? Sometimes. Or maybe rolltheir eyes, whatever. I’ll take the occasional stink-eye for the sake ofa few laughs. In this practice we are guaranteed to fall, mess up, makeweird sounds and even cry at times. In between those moments theimportant thing to remember is to turn the corners of our mouths up, show ourteeth and let laughter come out. Hell, if you can fall and laugh atyourself immediately afterwards, you deserve some major yoga snaps. Once we starttaking ourselves too seriously all the fun will officially be sucked out ofthe journey. One of my personal mantras is to never compromise my sense ofhumor. I find that laughter creates lightness and a sense of comfort, which wecould all use to help us get through those jump-backs.

4. Approach with love.

We all know that if you givelove, you will get it in return. I’m sure there’s a famous quote out of a pagefrom something in Oprah’s book club that could drive that point home for ushere. At the end of the day my role as an assistant is to providelove. By no means are my adjustments attempts at “fixing” or makingrobots out of yogis. Via an open heart, my intention is to help students tapinto their potential, go deeper into the poses and at the very least hope theylearn just a little something about the practice of yoga. I cannot speakfor the students, but I can express that by simply allowing me to show up andshare their yoga with me every week, they have opened their hearts and givenall the love a little ol’ yogini like me could ever wish for. I’m giving a huge“AMEN!” here to the words of Guruji, that if you practice, practice, practiceall will most assuredly come.

Dharma Forces Unite!

2011-03-03T21:29:00.001-05:00

Dharma Friends

February 2010

Cafe Saint-Ex, Washington, DC

Photo by Heidi Boas

A valentine to destruction...

2011-02-11T16:10:00.001-05:00

Somewhere in Maryland where red foxes live - Jan. 2011

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation

can that which is indestructible in us be found." Pema Chodron

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Hello again blog,
How I’ve missed you!

I’ve recently been inspired by Rumi’s poem, The Chickpea to Cook. It was read to us during a meditation retreat I attended over new years, then recited again to me over the phone last week by a friend in New York. You can find the poem online to digest it in its entirety, but to paraphrase what the poem discusses and its meaning to me: the chickpea who is about to boiled thinks he’s been tortured by the cook, but in reality the cook isn’t maliciously killing the chickpea, simply adding more spice to it, allowing it to mix with other flavorful ingredients and give people the gift of something good to eat. At the end the cook says that the chickpea will "beg to be boiled more and more", to churn until eventually meeting the infinite light of final rebirth.

The poem is essentially an homage to that which destroys us, or rather a challenge on our perception of being destroyed. Everyday we feel tortured, by our bosses, partners, friends, finances, the past, the future. The immediate instinct is to run away, shut down, zone out, or do anything that will instantly eliminate the discomfort of being boiled. Our call is to recognize that it isn’t real, and learn something about ourselves…marinate in the spices, if you will. My personal challenge during fearful moments is in letting go of the unproductive dialogue in my head that seems to ramble on and on like an unwelcome gossiping neighbor. Before I know it, this uninspiring neurotic chit-chat has executed a coup on my spirit and I’m left believing a delusional and untrue story about myself. On the delicate occasions when my awareness kicks in, I breathe deeply and settle into whatever situation I find myself in and the chatter melts away. There is no self-inflicted judgment, brokenness or flawed conditioning. Its such a powerful space to rest in - when you can mindfully feel the flames, jump off the ledge and let yourself be destroyed over and over again. It all starts with the breath. Go into it, welcome the evolution. I’ve been hearing my friend’s voice as a mantra in the background that says, “just let yourself be boiled.”

So, this Valentine’s Day I’d like to make a toast to all that which boils us - to not having the answers, 12 hour work days, deadlines, gaining weight, indigestion, wrinkles and sleepless nights. Thank you for making me stronger and helping me marinate in all the spices that are tossed my way. May we be mixed, shaken, tossed and stirred along the path of the open heart.

~ With bhakti ~

Loving the Unknown...

2010-10-14T14:33:00.002-04:00

Graffiti along 14th Street, DC

“A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us.

To live is to be slowly born.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Lately, I have been inspired by the unknown. Making best friends with the unknownhas been a wonderful blessing in my life since moving to DC last year. There are many days when I’m unsure ofwhere my next job assignment will be, how long it will last, whether it willhave a stable salary, or if there will even be another assignment. My wonderful meditation teacher, whosurvives off donation-based classes and workshops, calls this living by the“wisdom of uncertainty.” I think in the beginning of being confronted by Mr.Unknown there was less wisdom and more, um…freaking out, but over the last 6months a welcoming shift of acceptance and peace has occurred and I couldn’t bemore grateful.

Using the power of insight and discernment to stay fullypresent is exactly what meditation and yoga practice reveals. Its very simple:we have no idea what the future will bring. There is nothing more compellingand authoritative than the phenomena of the unknown to surrender to our presentexperience. Buddhist monk and renowned author, Bikkhu Bodhi said that the mostpresent we can ever become is through awareness of breath, because “when webecome aware of breathing, really aware of it, we can be aware of it only inthe present, never in the past or future.” The most beautiful thing about yogais that we use our breath to free us from external happenings and fall deeperinto the grace of the moment, which is infinite and boundless. When we let go of what we don’t know wefind that the nature of our present bounty is so immense that we couldn’tpossibly need anything more. We have the gift of our hearts, which beatcollectively as one, the fall season breeze flowing through each of us, and thestrength of our community to lend us a helping hand. By simply embracing theunknown and renouncing the false illusion that we can somehow control it, wereside in the true refuge of our inner spirit and feel an incredible sense ofliberation.

There may be many things I don’t know, but what I do know isthat genuine fulfillment is right here, right now, living inside each of us.

The Yoga of Friendship

2010-09-03T17:07:00.002-04:00

My DC deity garden

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming

gardeners who make our souls blossom.” - Marcel Proust

In addition to nurturing me with deep spiritual awakening, my journey on the path of yoga has blessed me with an overflowing wealth of friendships that I am immensely grateful for. It was through the study and practice of yoga that I came to create a space within myself for more meaningful and supportive friendships. When I left Florida for DC I was leaving behind a community of friends that I had become extremely close with over a period of 3 years and it was difficult no longer having the warmth of regular, face-to-face connection and interaction that defined our bonds. On arriving to DC, I had no expectations about what my “circle” of friends would look like or if there would even be a circle. Naturally, I knew I would make new friends but certainly didn’t anticipate what I had in store. I received the gift of a roommate and comrade who welcomed me in my new beginning with wide open arms, a contagious laughter and who I am now convinced was my sister in a past life. Then there’s the best friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in over 7 years who allowed me to appreciate the present growth within myself and the past greatness of my tortured 16 year-old-self. And then there was the college friend who I had traveled abroad with in the south of Mexico over 10 years ago who reminded me that the past sometimes comes back in the form of a big smile with bright red lipstick. Not to mention the regulars who have graciously made the road trips and airplane rides to shamelessly stand by me and affirm my strong belief in not taking life so seriously all the time and having some fun.

Whether we are cultivating divine connections, nourishing old ones or rebuilding those that have been broken we are participating in a pure form of bhakti practice. This means loving your friends as they are in the present moment, everyday and forever regardless of changed circumstances or unexpected events. It means devotion to the spiritual significance of human relationships and recognizing the inherent light within each person in our lives. When I look back and think about the exact moments that gave birth to the strong and meaningful friendships in my life I can remember it was exactly that - a light, an illuminating energy they reflected which drew me to them. There is so much comfort in knowing that when these connections are created and watered with a deep-rooted dedication to their sustenance there is nothing in the world that can destroy them. There is no dispute, distance or length of time that can break the bonds of true friendship. When we see and acknowledge the goodness and beauty in our friends we are performing the genuine action of metta (loving-kindness). Each of our friends is us and we are them. We take collective breaths. We must place an unconditional faith in their process by witnessing them collapse, make mistakes, evolve, experience fear and joy and perhaps even say goodbye to them in order to fully rest in the divinity of the union that created the friendship. Anything that obscures this basic premise such as a struggle or a fight is ego-based and not a part of our spirit nature.

It is through friendship and recognizing the guru in each of my friends that I have learned some of life’s most valuable lessons. For example, without my friend Cine I wouldn’t know how to give a proper toast or realize that it’s perfectly acceptable to celebrate birthdays year round. Without my friend Rachel, I would have gone through law school without knowing what its like to make cupcakes with a 4 year old in spider-man pajamas telling me there is no such thing as too much sprinkles and icing. And it was my buddies Javi and Yvee who taught me that there is never a bad time to bust out in dirty south hip-hop song and dance. There are many more I wish I could mention but I will say that I cherish all of my gurus out there in the world and the beauty they’ve shared with me.

Flow of Gratitude...

2010-08-15T01:10:00.002-04:00

Yogaville

Buckingham, VA

July 2010

Lately my meditation practice has been highly focused on gratitude. When I arrive at the cushion I instantly feel an overwhelming sense of appreciation for the world around me. It’s amazingly refreshing to reach that precious and rare place so quickly especially since the first ten minutes of my practice are usually spent processing the meaningless remnants of the past 8 hours of that day, knowing fully well there is no place for the past in meditation. My teacher in DC had us practice this exercise of mentally noting the things we were grateful for by allowing their images to pass through our minds as we witnessed our reactions to them. Below are the results of that task...virtually unmodified and listed in order as they appeared in my head.

I'm grateful for….

My mother and father
Endless and endless work
The light of my spiritual practice
Teachers of yoga and dharma

The warmth of a bed and fuzzy socks
The ability to walk, touch and feel
The beauty and pain of love
The peace and emptiness of solitude

Paths to healing and helping others
Compassionate friends and lasting friendships
Honesty, truth and courage
Nourishing food and community

Forgiveness, acceptance and grace
Grounding of breath
Bhakti, shakti and liberation
Reclamation and survival

Mindfulness and patience
The wisdom of knowing better
Peace, harmony and equality
Activists and peacemakers

Laughter, laughter, laughter
Happy, wise wrinkles
Listening to the music play
Right now, this moment

Colors, aromas and texture
Lessons and unwelcome change
Rebirth and victory
Purusha and prakriti

This life
The spirit within me
My exciting journey
All of us in it together

…and Ani Difranco….

(that one just kinda snuck in the end)

Relentless Love...

2010-06-19T16:51:00.002-04:00

The New York Avenue Sculpture Project - National Museum of Women in the Arts

Washington, DC

I’ve been a very bad blogger. My long absence from Yogically Speaking is inexcusable. After having my mother kindly remind me a few weeks ago that I’ve slacked in updating my blog, I decided I better listen and not waste any more time being an inactive writer (at this time I’d like to give a shout out to Mom for being a devoted reader of her only child’s blog).

The real story behind my hiatus is…simply that I’ve been having an AWESOME time. So awesome that I can’t find the time to keep up with my blog. The month of May was a whirlwind of traveling, entertaining guests, and meeting some amazing people (see yours truly with Mr. No Reservations bottom center). We are halfway into 2010 and I’m not trying to brag, but I’m having a hell of a great journey. So far, I’ve met two of my favorite writers, attended a handful of amazing on-stage performances, came face-to-face with my TV hero, and was in the presence of His Holiness the Dalai Lama in New York City. Once again, I find myself in the same predicament I was in during my previous blog posting: too much inspiration…leaving me confused and over-stimulated about what to write about. I wish I could say my regular meditation and yoga practice provides me with some kind of focus or organization for writing material but I’m at a loss…All of my experiences have been equally incredible and noteworthy. There is so much to take away that my breakdown process is still in overdrive mode…slowly digesting the massive amounts of social and spiritual intake I’ve consumed.

There is one thing I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for the past month that would be appropriate for discussion here. It was a statement made by Anthony Bourdain during his talk at the Warner Theater in DC. In fact, it was so profound that I remember exactly how he looked when he said it…with his elbows rested on his knees, wearing a crisp black blazer, torn jeans and cowboy boots…looking like the foodie rockstar that he is. An audience member asked Bourdain for any advice he could give on opening a new restaurant. Bourdain’s response (and I paraphrase) was something to the effect that he couldn’t give specific advice on what to do or not to do in opening a restaurant, rather one should aim to “find what they love, do it well, and do it relentlessly”.

Everyday since hearing this little gem of wisdom, I’ve asked myself…what is it that I love? Specifically, what is that I love to do…so much to the point that I can do it relentlessly? I certainly have an endless list of things I love: my family, friends, chocolate, music, animals, yoga, etc... But naturally, there is a difference between loving the existence of certain things versus loving the performance of a certain skill. Chefs love to cook and bring the gift of good food to others. The Dalai Lama loves to bring the message of peace to the world. Singers love to sing. Teachers love to teach. Laura loves to _________. I guess I’m still on the quest to fill in the blank. I suppose I have an aversion to the limitation of having only one thing to love and do relentlessly. I love to advocate for many people, and many causes. Some days I feel an overwhelming, deep sense of love for everything around me, that I’m not quite sure how to channel it. My spiritual practice gives me many options such as meditation, chanting, asana and kirtan as the means to express such love, but I can’t exactly bust out in lotus pose and start chanting “Hare Krishna” on the metro. Those moments are few and far between, but they come. I love the tree that I often sit under in Emancipation Park. I love the people who sing on my morning bus ride. Most recently, I’ve even come to love the little scorpion looking bugs that crawl on my ceiling on hot nights. For now, I love the pleasure of the moment and accept that the greatest gift I can give the universe and those around me is the joy of being fully present.

Until next time…hopefully more regularly…nothing but love and peace to all.

With my TV Hero, Mr. No Reservations, a.k.a Anthony Bourdain

As the World Blooms...

2010-03-23T19:23:00.001-04:00

Pretty in Pink

Le Droit Park - Florida Avenue, Washington, DC

March 2010

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." ~Anne Bradstreet

The last time I caught up with yogicallyspeaking I was reeling from my night with Eve Ensler at Busboys and Poets, and since then I’ve been inspired by many more individuals and movements that have conveniently manifested around me. Poets, authors, teachers, musicians, friends, earth, wind…just to name a few. The wave of positive influence has left me feeling so ecstatically overwhelmed I’m not quite sure where to begin here. I figure instead of succumbing to the pressure of choosing one particular inspiring experience to write about, I would focus on the significance of the whole and how it has contributed profound meaning and coherency to the present.

The flood of spiritual stimuli couldn’t have arrived at a better time because DC is beginning to bloom beautifully. After a fierce and wrathful winter, Mother Nature has decided to give Washingtonians a break and we are humbly grateful. As my roommates and I walked home in the wee hours after a recent night of food, drink and dance, we came to a standstill in our path when we saw our first cherry blossoms of the season radiating a bright pink glow on our street. Spring smacked us right in the face and we welcomed its unexpected and invigorating presence. We celebrated by wearing sleeveless tops and flats without socks. It was very exciting.

As the climate became kinder, the shift in the city was so palpable, I could almost reach out and touch it. Where I once saw an ocean of dark layers and bundles of wool and scarves, I now see faces, smiles and color. The moods of the locals are happier and I can easily perceive the light in the people around me. It was as if they resurrected from the darkness of winter and came alive right before my eyes. Never before had I witnessed anything like it having lived the majority of my life in the heat of the South.

This projection of fresh energy has had a drastic effect on me as my identity here is in a continuous state of absorption, evolution and exploration. Naturally, all I can do is superimpose my own gleaming vigor and stamina onto those of my environment. Not only could I feel my own heart opening, but I sensed the collective heart of the universe begin to bloom. As the spring breeze passed through my body on the commute to work one morning, I felt the breath of the universe exhale simultaneously with mine. When the sun hit my face at the bus stop I saw a globe of light that was not separate from me in form or substance. During each of these occurrences I tried to hang on to the bliss and beauty of the moment but my lack of enlightenment made them drift away in nanoseconds.

What I know for sure is that the period of hibernation is over. Dead skin has been shed. New life is blossoming all around me. Mindful intentions are being created. The opportunities are endless. There is only room for growth and progress from this point forward…let it bloom baby!

Peace, light and love to all.

Witnessing a Revolutionary Powerhouse: My Night with Eve Ensler

2010-02-26T21:20:00.002-05:00

With Eve Ensler at Busboys & Poets (14th & V) 02.24.10 - Photo taken by Jasmine Utsey

Last night I had the wonderful pleasure and utmost privilege to hear the words of Vagina Monologues and V-Day Movement Creator Extraordinaire, Eve Ensler. She was doing a reading, lecture and signing of her latest book, I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls around the World at Busboys & Poets in DC.

I have followed Eve Ensler since first watching the televised performance of the Vagina Monologues on HBO in 2002. I was so inspired by her wonderful madness and proud womanhood that I simply had to get to New York City to see the monologues for myself, in the flesh and on the stage. I became officially baptized as a vagina warrior in 2004 after witnessing the mind-blowing performance of three very brave, talented, and hilarious women on one very memorable night in Manhattan. After that night, you couldn’t get me to shut-up about the monologues. I told all my loved ones that they would forever be losers in my book if they didn’t go see the show (still…seriously, if you’re reading this and don’t know anything about the Vagina Monologues, its not too late for you…go see them, download them, buy the book, just do it!)

When the opportunity arose in 2008 during law school to perform one of the monologues as part of a V-Day fundraiser, I immediately signed up. This was my chance to become involved and bear my soul for the V-Day cause. The experience was so moving and wonderful that I did the same monologue 2 years in a row. I truly felt like I was participating in something monumental by educating and bringing awareness to my community.

Perhaps after following her work and hearing the atrocities Ensler has witnessed throughout the world, I expected an intense, angry, and intimidating feminist however the woman I met emanated nothing but light, love, kindness, and warmth. She gave me a fun high-five after telling her I performed “The Flood” in my alma matter’s VM production. Her beautiful bright red smile overpowers her face and immediately puts you at ease. In her lecture at B&P, Ensler spoke of the current situation in the Congo where the rape and torture of thousands of women and children take place on a daily basis. She spoke of sex slavery, sexual assault, political corruption, big government spending and asked why we all weren’t pissed off with the state of things. She urged grass-roots activism and conceptual change, essentially a revolution where all people can reach a place of tolerance, acceptance, and peace.

She gave me "vagina blessings" and christened me as an "emotional creature"...which I proudly accept!

Happy Losar...

2010-02-15T13:03:00.001-05:00

14 February 2010

Tibetan New Year

Khenchen Tsewang Gyatso Rinpoche preparing to give Long Life Empowerment

Stay Tuned :-)

Oh Blizzard, how I love thee...

2010-02-08T18:58:00.007-05:00

Light in the Snow

6 February 2010

Since moving to DC the snow has been especially healing for me. As a Texas girl, then a limited-edition Floridian, I never truly experienced snow. I had no idea what a real winter looked like and I yearned for my own little winter wonderland one day. After a few months in DC I have been blessed with not just a kind, delicate snowfall but a whopping super-sized blizzard. My first snow-related injury occurred recently while I rushed to cross the street and did a number on my ankle in a pig puddle of slushy ice. I've learned to plow through heaps of snow during my morning commute. I laugh at the female tourists who miserably strut around with wet feet after attempting to look fashionable in winter flats and heels. I have a newfound respect for snow shovelers after being forced to shovel an entire sidewalk full of mounds and mounds of snow (they didn't teach me this back in Texas)...and let me tell you...there is no other way to buff up those biceps than to engage in a 15 minute snow shoveling session...while I can barely move my arms and shoulders at the moment, I learned the true toil of inner-city winter labor. Snow boots are a new addition to my wardrobe and I have to convince myself every morning that I don't look so bad in a puffy snow jacket.

I had no idea what I was in for. What visited our nation’s capital this weekend will be forever known as the snowpocalypse, snowmageddon, snoverload, snoverkill, snowmare, snowzilla...take your pick. I lived knee deep in snow. Six wonderful snowdays. No work. No government to run us. There is nothing to do but play…play and frolic in the pretty fluffy white stuff. Run through mountains of snow, feel the flurries on your face, make snow angels, go icicle watching, and stare at its glittery reflection at night…all of it just absolutely friggin’ awesome.

Snow days force you to find inner warmth, expose your thick-skin, snuggle close with your surrounding community, and connect with the core fire of your spirit. They stimulate you to contemplate, rest, nourish and be still. After my first mini-snow spa break, I am prepared to take on the long winter ahead and accept that Spring will come when its good and ready.

Peace, love and snow days to all.

A Night of Thievery Corporation...

2010-01-24T23:18:00.003-05:00

Thievery Corporation in action

9:30 Club, Washington, DC

23 January 2010

On Saturday night I had a last minute opportunity to see one of DC’s finest talents, Thievery Corporation. They were playing a mere three blocks from my house at the 9:30 Club, another great DC institution. There are really no words to describe the show…you have to see it for yourself in order to grasp the experience. The performance is a ride…a journey of lights, colors, stories, yoga, Buddhism, politics, prayer, and just a helluva good time. There were many moments throughout the show where I longed for my yoga mat because I had the urge to bust into asana flow. During the concert there was an artist painting Ganeshas on a large canvas above the stage. I fell in love with the entire experience. Thievery Corporation…don’t miss them if they are near you! I’ve shared a few photos from the night below.

Onward Brave Soul...

2010-01-18T21:55:00.002-05:00

Strawberry Fields - December 2009
Photo taken by Cynthia Evangelista
"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel.
Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but a reflection of us all." - John Lennon

“Bravery” is a word that has been extended to me numerous times since I’ve moved to DC. As I meet new people here, either in social settings or random conversation, and the customary first impression questions are exchanged between me and my new acquaintances, I’ve grown accustomed to explaining how and why I ended up in DC. “Where are your from?”, “What do you do?”, “Why did you move to DC?”…and in one big exhale I respond, “well, I had a job and a rent-free home in Florida but I needed to start a new beginning for myself, so I left my job and my rent-free home with 2 suitcases and bought a one-way ticket to DC and here I am.” The majority of the reactions I receive are something like this: “Wow, you’re very brave”, “That’s so brave of you”, “I don’t think I could ever do anything that brave” or conversely, it’s “what the hell are you thinking, you left Floooorida to come to Deeee Ceeee in the Winter?!”

Hearing this so many times, I began to ask myself, am I really brave? Because, in between the large gaps of time this “bravery” nonsense kept manifesting itself into my life, I really just thought I was…well, a little crazy. I left the Sunshine state, where I had a wonderful community, a supportive network and promising opportunities to a city where I knew some people, but not many, had no employment lined up and would be sleeping in a room that was about the size of my Floridian walk-in closet. There was nothing majorly wrong with my life in Florida. I had it nice and easy. It was so easy that I could actually predict exactly what my future would look like 10 years from now…and that was the bottom line. I was at a place in my life where I didn’t have to settle. I could be mobile, fluid, travel and continue to experience change. The opportunity was there and I wasn’t about to let it pass me up.

While I had the support and encouragement of family and friends in my DC move, which made it a lot easier to make the transition, I wasn’t sure I had the support or encouragement from myself. I didn’t have my own back. In my first weeks in DC I experienced many instances of weakness, self-doubt, fear and insecurity (and I still have them, just less frequently). I’ve called our nation’s capital home for almost 3 months now and there are still many things I am unsure about, many questions I have no answers to and endeavors that remain to be seen.

What has given me immense comfort and eased me through my transition is the refuge of my all-encompassing spiritual network. It holds what is so sacred and divine about this life: sporadic glimpses of god in the continuously flowing nurturing words and deeds of my parents, the kind wishes transmitted from friends both near and far, the invaluable guidance of my roommates (luckily, both DC veterans), the lessons of teachers past and present, and the expansive outlets of healing resources that exist all around me. The most notable being a wonderful Buddhist meditation teacher who I’ve been introduced to through my new yoga shala. Only through meditation am I able to become aware of my thoughts allowing me to tame the flickers of anxiety from become huge flames and emerge from my fearful thoughts unscathed. Once I affirmed the value of a deeper self-worth could I start becoming my own cheerleader…then, ya I did feel kinda brave.

An Evening With Elizabeth Gilbert...

2010-01-07T23:44:00.002-05:00

7 January 2010

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love stops in DC at the Historic Synagogue to promote

her latest book, Committed: A SkepticMakes Peace with Marriage.

I can only begin by expressing how friggin’ excited I was to see Liz. My yoga buds and I shared the experience of reading Eat, Pray, Love together in our first book club and I will never forget the wonderful memories which took place in my living room, drinking wine, eating cheese and discussing the book with some of my favorite gals.

I sat in a packed house of 400 people, mostly women, of all ages waiting to hear what the best-selling, rockin’ female author had to say (I had a killer seat in the 3rd row). I learned that Gilbert is an advocate of gay rights, not a fan of the concept of soul mates, and hates giving people relationship advice. After a brief reading and question and answer session, Gilbert autographed books and graciously took photos with the few of us fans left over. She was so humble with the audience, thanking each supporter for their time, attendance, and patience. When it was my turn for a snapshot with Liz I asked her if she still did yoga. She turned to me, threw her head back, and in a sweet and perky voice replied, “Well yes I do my dear!” I told her I practiced yoga as well and just as she was about to say something to me, the photographers interrupted and prompted us to look at the camera. She once again thanked me for coming and I thanked her for her insight.

I’m only in the second chapter of Committed and have laughed, gasped, cried, and struggled to close its pages and patiently wait until I can open it again.

A Toast to New Beginnings...

2010-01-04T00:03:00.000-05:00

Votive prayer candles at The Shrine of the Immaculate Conception - DC

Today I had the opportunity to meditate at the US Botanical Gardens with the Kagyu DC Buddhist group (I’ve shared some pictures below). It was a new experience, meditating in a living plant museum in the middle of the nation’s capital. I welcomed the Amazonian climate after walking several blocks in a wind storm and 18 degree weather. As we sat and meditated tourists would pass us by, children would run around us and stare oddly at the Buddha statue we had placed in front of our bench. The sounds of laughter, conversation, and mist were an interesting presence in my meditation. I used the leaf of a Bleeding Heart flower located directly in front of me as my meditative focal point. I felt more awakened from removing my ego from the comfort of sitting in a quiet space on a fluffy cushion, surrounded by altars, candles, and incense.

As I welcome a new year, getting out of my element has been a personal predominant mantra. I moved to a new city, started a new job, and lived with new people. It hasn’t been easy but I also haven’t had a single boring day. Looking back on the last 10 years of my life they were filled with cycles of beginnings. Entering college, beginning my career in legal services, getting a masters, commencing law school and taking on a yoga teacher training program at the same time. I was always prepared to start something new and it felt wonderful being able to succeed at the challenges I took on. I never gave up, no matter how many times I wanted to. Naturally, there were moments of failure but never without learning valuable lessons. At the start of a new era in my life, I accept that I will never stop wanting to conquer or quit…eternally evolving, growing, and making the most out of this life. This year holds many exciting adventures…I get to continue to explore this new city filled with energy and passion, meet new people, read new books, travel, develop a new career, and see Ani DiFranco in March (Yay! It feels so awesome to say she is playing down the street from me! I can’t wait!). 2010 will rock.

On New Years Day my parents gave me a scroll with the following message from the Dalai Lama. The text of it framed my resolutions for the new decade…and perhaps the rest of my life.

No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
Is spent developing the mind
Instead of the heart
Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
But to everyone
Be compassionate
Work for peace
In your heart and in the world
Work for peace
And I say again
Never give up
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up

~ H.H. The XIV Dalai Lama

Snow Days...

2009-12-21T15:26:00.000-05:00

Yogis having fun in the recent East coast snow storm. Photos taken in New York City & DC...

A Merry Shakti Weekend

2009-12-16T01:23:00.000-05:00

I am closing in on my first month in DC and it has been quite an adventure. This past weekend I was invited to teach meditation and pranayama at a local rape crisis center for a Day of Healing event. It was an opportunity for survivors to receive energy work and alternative healing treatment. Among those providing therapeutic services were an acupuncturist and traditional Chinese medicine specialist, a reiki master and massage therapist. I met an amazing group of strong, beautiful women who were truly dedicated to a path of rehabilitation and reclamation.

After reveling in the blessing and honor of participating in the weekend’s events, I began to reflect on the power of the collective female force. I started thinking about Shakti – that mysterious and powerful divine feminine energy. While I was accustomed to teaching yoga and meditation to classes of students that were largely female, this experience was quite different. On this occasion I was guiding a group of female practitioners who were coming together with the unified intention of healing from serious emotional and physical trauma. As a teacher, it is an intimate and intense task to take on. Initially, I was unsure of my abilities to conduct a meditation in that type of setting. Looking back on that auspicious day, I can confidently state that it was the first time in my years of teaching where I felt a deep and profound energy in the room. It was piercing, yet warm and despite the pain and hardship that I know these women have encountered, there was an immediate embrace and surrender. Those aren’t reactions that come so freely or instantly when teaching a yoga class in a studio. There is quite a bit of resistance and lack of concentration from many students when they come to the mat for the first time or even from seasoned students who either become complacent in their practice or let their egos creep in (we all know it happens…I’m guilty of it).

Within the feminine energy there are opposing forces: Shakti is the creator, associated with goodness and beauty while Kali is the destroyer, who brings torment and turmoil. When we are in balance and reverence of Lady Shakti, she will nourish us with light and abundance. I recently read an article in a spiritual publication that said we are currently in a dark age – a state of Kali Yuga. Our community is experiencing war, recession, poverty, and hardship. In order for the dark cloud to pass, we must regain devotion in Shakti and pray that her energy will once again return to bless us with spiritual and economic wealth. I am certain this past weekend Shakti was alive and kicking at the Day of Healing. I am hopeful that the work we all did generated more peace and compassion in the world…presumably allowing more Shakti to flourish around us.

Interestingly enough, the coordinator of the event kept referring to those of us offering services as healers…...Huh? Me? A “healer”? No way. I knew that yoga could bring healing but I most definitely never considered myself a healer…but then again it was called a “Day of Healing.” I now have a new perspective to help me evolve in my path of teaching, learning and growing. I am thankful for that.

The weekend was full of many wonderful gifts...Shakti blessings. I was able to bring healing to other women and in turn nourish my own spirit. I also had a last minute opportunity to attend a workshop with ashtangi extraordinaire Kino McGregor from Miami Life Center, something which my hips and hamstrings were grateful for. My forever fabulous roommate presented me with a beautiful, vintage brass bracelet with Buddha engravings, a lovely reminder of the omnipresent divine. We ended the weekend’s festivities by welcoming the holiday season with good food, great company, and lots of laughter.

So That Explains It...

2009-12-11T16:48:00.003-05:00

Why I Am Not Enlightened

I don't normally post articles but I thought this was a good one with an interesting perspective to share. It's from the Huffington Post by Eliezer Sobel.

Peace.

The Sounds of Practice...

2009-11-17T22:42:00.001-05:00

I took my first ashtanga class as a new resident of D.C. last week at Woodley Park and felt an immediate sense of stability and steadfastness. Photos of Guruji, smooth wood floors and the familiar sounds of practice filled me with warmth and welcome. After class, the instructor and I exchanged stories about teachers and experiences we had shared. It was an accustomed encounter, a feeling I had been acquainted with on so many occasions in the past.

Although it had been less than 2 weeks since I left the cozy, safe confines of my yoga studio in Jacksonville where I had practiced for over 3 years, I felt surprisingly distant and disconnected from my personal practice. My first six days in D.C. were fast paced, stressful and exhausting. There was no yoga, meditation, or mindful breathing. Moving to a new environment with different needs, expectations, and protocol is quite daunting. It was refreshing walking into an ashtanga yoga shala where the presence of tradition, continuity, and sequence rapidly extinguished the fear that accompanied my plunge into the abyss of change and transition. It reminded me that regardless of my place in the world, everything is always as it should be. As long as I embrace the gifts of my practice and continue to use them wisely…calling upon them at the moments I need them most, when I feel lost or displaced, there is nothing to fear.

What has been immensely profound is the overwhelming gratitude which has empowered me since the moment I set foot in D.C. If it wasn’t for the support of my family and my wonderful friends I wouldn’t have been able to embark on this journey.

In my short time here I have met so many amazing individuals…they have inspired me, embraced me and carried me through the birth of this ride…which has only just begun…and I’m enjoying every minute of it.

Laura Goes to Washington...

2009-11-10T17:37:00.000-05:00

I'm taking it national. Stay tuned...

Last Fall in Florida...for now

2009-11-01T13:39:00.000-05:00

Meditation Blues & Drishti Perspectives...

2009-10-24T19:44:00.004-04:00

KTC Jacksonville, October 2009

"The buddha in front dissolves into light and merges into oneself."

From the Amitabha sadhana

For the past 2 months I have been spending my Saturday mornings at Karma Thegsum Choling, a Tibetan Buddhist Center in Jacksonville, practicing silent sitting meditation and learning more about the Kagyu Lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.

I noticed during mantra recitations that most of the practitioners, including the presiding Lama, would keep their eyes open as they held their prayer beads close to their hearts. After making this observation, I sought out some literature and found an article in a Tibetan Buddhist publication which stated that keeping the eyes open was best in order to avoid distractions. This was contrary to what I had learned and practiced in my yoga training, where we normally meditate with the eyes closed in order to enhance awareness and shut out external forces. To be honest, I had become attached to keeping my eyes closed during meditation because I felt more awareness, opening and bliss when I did, so I figured I was doing something "right."

I inquired of the resident Lama in an email as to whether there was a "right" or "wrong" way of maintaining the eyes during prayer. I thought I would get a response email answering my question, however the Lama decided to use it as a way to start off her lecture after practice (which made me feel less silly about asking the question). Lama indicated that generally, there is no correct or incorrect way of keeping the eyes, however there are certain tenets that must be in place in order to meditate properly (specifically, the Seven Dharmas of Vairochana). She also stated that since Buddhism is highly influenced by Indian yogic traditions that the "drishti" or one-pointed focus is similar in that closing the eyes halfway and looking slightly downward was recommended (virtually the same drishti that is used during padmasana in ashtanga). Practicing this drishti aids the mind to rest in its own true nature - which I recently read as being described byYongey Mingyur Rinpoche as a state of "non-meditation," where there is no distinction between stillness or movement, simply basic cognizance.

Referring to a state of bliss that one may experience in meditation, Lama urged caution. Specifically, she said that what "you are getting is a 'high' and you want be careful that you are not chasing something while you meditate." This was very profound for me because I had never looked at my meditation from that perspective. I believed that the more I shut myself off to my surroundings, the deeper I could go within myself and seek mindfulness. There had been times during meditation where I would want to escape and enter my own dreamland, a place where there was no pollution, crime, billboards or noise...I would create a little vacation inside my head. But similar to how an addict may want to reach for that cigarette or cocktail, searching for that state of euphoria during meditation apparently is also a form of attachment......great. Just when I thought I was practicing non-attachment by meditating, I was given a spiritual reality check. Lama advised that one cannot continuously seek some kind of rush when they come to the cushion to meditate. The experience and the way it is carried out may be good on one occasion and not so good on another...it is what it is at that moment and it must be let go of each time.

I am grateful to KTC and its Sangha for their generous welcome, kindness and compassion and Lama Tsultrim Khandro for her patience, guidance and teachings.

Divine Reflections...

2009-09-24T22:24:00.009-04:00

Atlantic Beach, 21 September 2009

I remember at certain brief moments throughout my childhood and adolescence I would think about how the world, before our time, was once a vast, empty space...full of nothing and would wonder why it was that people, animals, plants and objects came to exist and fill this pure, uncorrupted space (my private Christian education was wonderful but I could never seem to grasp the whole Adam and Eve thing). What was our purpose? Why were my Mother, Father, family, friends and pets put on this earth? I tried to imagine the expansive nothingness and picture what it was like and when I could finally create a tiny vision of it in my head, I would become afraid...afraid of the solitude, the unknown, darkness and would quickly reach out and cling to the earthly and safe things I knew. Being quite young, I figured that since we, as humans, existed then the divine emptiness must be gone. Our presence destroyed it. It wasn't until my exposure to yogic philosophy and Buddhism where I learned that it's ALL about the emptiness! Believing in emptiness is key to liberation. Not only is emptiness still out there but it is not something that can be destroyed. It is enlightenment, samadhi, god, the soul of the universe, the big picture...titles may vary. It was refreshing to know that harboring those unconventional thoughts as a child didn't mean I was weird, only that I was momentarily contemplating the meaning of life (although some family members might say I was a weird kid ;-)

Luckily, during my yoga practice and meditation I can once again ponder that emptiness, and on a good day even get a tiny glimpse of it without fear or apprehension. Yoga, with its endless lessons, teaches me patience and how to let go. It reminds me that we were created for a beatific reason...to mindfully fulfill our journeys in this life so that we may one day return to the emptiness. Along the way, on my journey back to that emptiness I must learn love, compassion, detachment, mindfulness and so many other truths and principles...I am grateful to be equipped with the compass of yoga and road-map of mediation.

Look up at the sky and pause...

2009-09-02T18:57:00.009-04:00

"He who binds himself to a joy doth the winged life destroy. But he who kisses it as it flies, lives in eternity's sunrise." - William Blake

2009 started off as good year. Then as summer approached the pressure came in waves. I stressed about final exams…made it through those, thankfully. Graduated from law school. Yippee! Then, uuuggghh…the dreaded bar exam. After 2 months of living under the fluorescent lights of study rooms, wearing only sweat pants and studying my brains out, the bar exam comes and goes. Phew! Now…the waiting begins. Waiting for bar exam results is like being in the waiting room of a dentist’s office for 2 months and not knowing if you are going in for an easy cleaning or a root canal. Agony, fear and impatience are frequent visitors in your mind every day.

Like many of my fellow classmates, I decided to do a little bit of traveling to take my mind off bar exam grade day. I flew home to Texas to visit my family and eat some legit Mexican food. Then it was off to New Orleans for a friend’s bachelorette celebration. My last stop was in Washington, D.C. to reconnect with my patriotism. During those 4 weeks, I finished reading 2 books (non-law related), got my hair done, did some shopping, sightseeing, went to some great restaurants, and enjoyed the company of loved ones. All of the things I had to temporarily sacrifice to study for the bar. I had fun and savored the sweet taste of having a break.

Unfortunately, what I did not do was yoga. No meditating or spiritual discipline. While I was acting like a vacationer and either stuffing my face, enjoying a cocktail, admiring my highlights or having the occasional anxiety attack about bar exam results in between, I completely neglected my spiritual practice. Shame on me. This made it easy for the impatience, fear, nail-biting and doubt to creep their way in. Once again I allowed my ego to set me back and halt the learning process of my spiritual journey. What I ended up with was more attachment and a weakened spirit. It’s amazing how quickly and easily we let go of the things that make us strong.

When we are spiritually weak it becomes difficult to handle aversion, hardship or any storms that may unexpectedly impact our lives. When unhappy surprises pop up it is easy to feel victimized. We wonder why this is happening, who or what is to blame and how can we fix it or get away from it as fast as possible. Rather than wallowing in sorrow or pressing fast-forward in order to escape our temporary negative circumstances we must face them…head on. Working through the situation and being fully active in its learning process will help the healing and allow us to grasp the true nature of its occurrence. Revel in the suffering and be grateful…because there are blessings and great lessons lying within.

Without going into more detail, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m embracing the waiting room because I know I’m strong enough to handle a measly cleaning or a root canal. I’ll live either way.

I am now focused on rebuilding, returning to yoga, working, reading, learning, preparing and getting quiet. Saying goodbye to the past, greeting the present and saluting the future.

Lost in Transition...

2009-05-23T14:58:00.003-04:00

“I got a dead bolt stroll, where I'm going is clear.

I won't wait for you to wonder…I'll just tell you why I'm here.”
Ani DiFranco, Willing to Fight.

Recent events have brought significant change in my life. I am no longer a law student. I have happily ended a long and abundant book. I am now ready to begin a new chapter and write my own story. Although, my status technically has not changed. I will always be a student, eager to learn, listen and absorb. Now I am empowered to do more. To advocate, manifest, console, heal, change, create, teach, protect and love. In my mind the future appears to be a white, clear canvas, ready for creativity, inspiration, color…and to end up a masterpiece. I am braced and willing to accept the hardships, lessons and discoveries that my future holds.

I worked hard, graduated, celebrated and now the after-party has begun. The location is this beautiful world I live in and everyone is invited. No RSVP needed. For anyone attending, please celebrate responsibly.

Reduced, Reused and Rejuvenated….

2009-04-20T18:15:00.003-04:00

Sunset in Islamorada, FL. (April 2009)

Ah…Spring…the perfect time for some detoxification. After having a bit of a stressful March, I decided I could use a little spring cleaning. When I found out that Sharath Rangaswamy was coming to teach ashtanga classes in Islamorada, I packed my loose fitting clothes and flip flops and headed for the Keys.

Taking class from him was amazing. I re-discovered my own personal strength, did away with some excess and unneeded emotional baggage, and let the sun shine on me. I learned to detach myself a little more from things and ideas which I had built up in my head and at their core didn’t really mean anything at all. I returned with a mind reduced in negative thoughts, a body recycled with positive energy and a heart rejuvenated with peace.

I am most definitely in need of rejuvenation at this time as I come to the end of my law school career and approach the much dreaded bar examination this summer. The mere mention of the bar exam, makes me sigh heavily and roll my eyes up toward my forehead. Just one more thing I have to overcome in order to live the life I chose. Oh well. I’ve learned that accepting the things I don’t like helps me tolerate them much more easily. I know the next few months will be challenging. I will probably shed an occasional tear and find some new gray hairs on my head but oddly enough, I am not afraid. Well…actually I might be a little scared, but its what my bar studies coach has described as the “good kind” of scared. I have committed to a great preparation strategy, which involves not only lots and lots and lots of studying, but also heavy doses of meditation, yoga, laughing, positive thinking and praying. I am fortunate and forever grateful to have an amazing support system surrounding me, my parents, my friends, my teachers, my fellow classmates and my own unshakeable and unbreakable spirit…

Yoga is the Best Therapy.

2009-02-01T22:30:00.004-05:00

With Manju Jois - Bliss Yoga Shala, February 2008

My 3 days with Manju Jois were very cool. He led us in asana, pranayama and chanting. I expected a lot of sweat, tears and bruises but the energy in the room was way more relaxed than anticipated. He made me laugh quite a bit…and I don’t do much laughing when I practice ashtanga.

During the Q&A session with Manju, he said that “yoga is therapy.” Specifically he was explaining how asana should not be a set of rules or regulations imposed on the body, rather it is a therapeutic technique to help the body open and heal. Each level of the ashtanga system is designed to assist the body in a certain way. For example, first series is therapeutic in nature while second series focuses on nerve cleansing. In the primary series, we work on establishing a certain depth in the body so we can advance to more internal purification. I knew these things from my yoga teacher training, but I think I had become a bit complacent in my practice and I lost this sense of feeling as if my yoga practice was therapy. I would come to the mat and do my practice as if it was this regimen I had created for myself. Like following a certain diet or paying taxes, it was something I had to do in order to not be delinquent with the regulatory institution located in my mind. Ashtanga is the path I have chosen. I openly admit that it challenges me and I fight with it all the time however, I will learn to love ashtanga as my therapist. It questions me, nurtures me, hurts me and allows me to see deep inside myself. During my time with ashtanga, I have felt pain, love, confusion, peace, sadness, and strength. I have been stuck, made progress, hit walls, taken small steps forward and giant leaps back. It has been quite a ride and no matter what, my therapy will always be there for me.

I learned a lot from my weekend with Manju. I took away a sense of fluidity. I was reminded that I’ll never stop learning. I reaffirmed my intentions to keep studying with great teachers. I learned that it’s ok to fall and laugh at my mistakes. I want to be 65 years old and be able to jump into bakasana. I was filled with a sense of gratitude for my fellow yoga mates. I felt fortunate to witness the great lineage of the Jois family. I realized that my journey with yoga is in its infant stages and I cannot wait to discover what lies ahead.

New Year, Old Resolutions

2008-12-30T01:04:00.003-05:00

Forget the noisy clubs, expensive champagne and drunk strangers in glittery outfits. It’s been a while since I’ve had a quiet New Years Eve at home and this year I am very excited to welcome 2009 with family and friends at my parents’ house. I am especially excited to participate in some of the traditions of a Mexican New Years Eve celebration. My favorite is the eating of the grapes. For those who are unaware of the grape eating madness - at the stroke of midnight you have to eat 12 grapes, and make a wish or a resolution for every grape which symbolizes each month of the year. It sounds simple enough, but its not easy to chew 12 individual grapes in less than a minute...a choking hazard really. In the past, I don’t think I ever made any grape wishes; I normally would just scarf all the grapes because they tasted good with the champagne. The other cool tradition is that you have to wear red underwear in order to bring love and good luck into your life for the New Year. I’m not sure if this is exclusively a Mexican tradition and most people usually laugh at the idea but, why risk it? Don't fight the red undies.

I’ve never been the type to make New Years resolutions. I always thought they were silly. Lose weight, learn to play guitar, eat healthy, blah, blah, blah. However, this year will be different. Not only am I making resolutions, but I am going so far as to write them down and maybe even prioritize them. As I started to think about some of my resolutions I realized that they weren’t really new. They were things I had wanted to do and accomplish for quite some time. I was just memorializing them by turning them into “resolutions.” I think my problem was that I believed resolutions required you to give something up, which is probably why I never made them because I couldn’t be bothered to forfeit or let go of anything. Now, I’m learning that resolutions are really just answers, or rather intentions to take a certain course of action (duh, hellooo - that’s kind of what resolution means).

So, now that I’ve had this little epiphany I have to approach my resolutions from a completely different perspective. For example, one of my resolutions was to bind in Marichyasana C. Well, “Binding in Marichyasana C” can’t be a resolution because binding is not the answer. Rather, my resolution should be “to open my shoulders, extend my spine, empty out my belly and let go of the fear that prevents me from binding in Marichyasana C.” Not being able to do any of those things is what keeps me from binding in the first place. I simply can’t resolve to bind in an asana. I have to bring my awareness to so many more places and tweak other parts of myself before I can get there. It makes way more sense now. A resolution should be composed of the foundational necessities required to obtain the means and an intention to eliminate the barriers that block us from the ultimate goal. The only way to actualize our resolutions is to work hard for them and fully accept the responsibilities that come with them, regardless of whether there is hardship and pain. Its way more work doing it this way, but it will benefit us in the long run! Happy resolution drafting!

Feliz Ano Nuevo!

Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti…

May all beings be happy, healthy and free.
Om Peace, peace, peace…

Peace. Love. Asheville.

2008-11-17T20:55:00.003-05:00

I had the pleasure of visiting Asheville, North Carolina this past weekend and now that I’ve had time to debrief and reflect, I feel like it’s the best kept secret of the South…mainly because I didn’t feel like I was in the South. I ate a vegan omelet made out of lentils, attended a wine tasting at a bookstore, saw an experimental performance artist eat an apple on stage and attended a gay rights protest. I’d never expect to experience any of that in the South. The city is quaint, beautiful and nestled in the mountains. There were guitar players on the street, drumming circles in the park and lots of yoga studios and museums around. I could definitely live there. Unfortunately, there was no time for yoga but I think we got the best of Asheville in the few days we were there. If I had to describe it in three words: earthy, organic and clean.

My favorite thing about Asheville was that I really felt like I experienced a true fall season...and I don't just mean that I got to get out my cool winter clothes and drink hot cocoa. I guess as summer starts to disappear, the leaves start to fall, warmth fades away and the sun plays hide-and-seek a bit more, I begin to realize how much beauty there is in the world. Gratitude and appreciation resonate with me on a much deeper level. To some extent, the cold weather embraces me by freezing away complications and new, crisp, cool air comes to invigorate my mind. Hmm, I guess I did practice a little yoga while I was there…

This will most likely be my last blog posting until after final exams, which will soon be rearing their ugly little heads soon. Taking a mini-escape from my life in Jacksonville was much needed. Computer glow, small font, indoor lighting and the sound of the office shredder were beginning to get to me…I feel lighter and recharged. I guess everyone can use a fresh set of batteries every now and then.

There is no recession in yoga...

2008-10-16T14:38:00.004-04:00

In Mysore practice with Tim Feldman

October 2008

The other day, I heard one of my friends refer to herself as a recessionista. I was complementing her on the stylish jeans she had on and she responded “Target.” I had never heard of the term but I thought it was cute and catchy. My curiosity lead me to some online research and I came upon an article called “The Year of the Recessionista.” Apparently a recessionista is simply someone who seeks to remain fashionable and stylish on a tight budget.

I began to think about how the current economic situation has made an significant impact on the health and wellness community. When I promote yoga to my friends and people I meet, one of the first questions they ask is “how much does it cost?” It’s true, money makes the world go around, and the cost of yoga keeps people from wanting to go. Most of the time, it's just an excuse (I see how those people spend their money) but I understand that in many situations, people cannot afford to pay for a yoga membership, especially in these hard economic times. There are mouths to feed and bills to pay and the cash flow for a yoga practice simply isn’t there.

BUT…when the economy crashes do we allow our life practices to crash too? When jobs come and go and the stock market fails us, do we stop going to church, quit praying and give up on the higher power? I think during times of economic hardship we need to remain dedicated to our practice even more. History will always test us. There will be wars, recessions, rising gas prices, earthquakes, hurricanes, epidemics, the list of catastrophic events goes on. We may not be able to control history but we can certainly control our yoga practice by always returning to it. How we approach God may change, but God will always be there for us to approach. A true, committed yogi will not allow any recession to compromise their practice. I mean, technically, yoga is free right? By establishing a consistent home practice your bank account isn’t affected. And we ALL know that a committed yogi should have a home practice!

When it comes to health and wellness, we cannot suddenly cut corners or turn frugal. If we want to be recessionistas we should let go of things that are not good for us…alcohol, fast food, bar tabs, clothes, shoes, bad friends, anger, fear, resentment...we don’t need that stuff, and in the end, we really pay a huge cost by holding on to those things. We pay in stress, tears, high blood pressure, heart attacks, headaches and turning into plain old, unhappy, grumpy people...then we die and have to live out our bad karma all over again.

The economy should not be a further excuse to prevent positive changes in our lives. The economy will always change but we can always remain loyal to our inner self. By staying dedicated to the established tradition of yoga and its spirituality, no “recession” can ever touch us.

Going into the madness to find a sense of peace...

2008-08-23T11:26:00.006-04:00

Striking a pose on the Brooklyn Promenade - 13 August 2008

I was in New York City recently visiting a fellow yogini and I think it was one of the first trips where I spent a significant amount of time by myself. When I traveled in the past I was rarely left in solitude. I always believed that a vacation wasn’t really fun unless you were accompanied by others. The objective of my travels lately has involved visiting different yoga studios and learning from different teachers. My time in New York City was spent doing just that in addition to checking out museums, walking through parks, and seeing non-Broadway related performances. Being able to spend time alone and experience things on my own agenda felt very peaceful and relaxing. I didn’t have to concern myself with time or anyone else’s itinerary. It was absolutely amazing however a bit ironic that I found a sense of peace and harmony in the city that never sleeps. I am very thankful for my friend, Isa who put up with me for 5 days…

During my visit, I spent a day in New Jersey with an old friend who had an automobile-related tragedy about a year ago and is now confined to a wheelchair and lives in a rehabilitation center that treats brain injuries. This was the first time I had seen my friend in several years and I had been told by her Mother in advance that she was very different from the girl I used to know and to prepare myself to witness a lot of suffering at the rehab center. I won’t say much more about my experience visiting my friend but I will say that I left New Jersey on August 15, 2008 a very different person. As I sat waiting for the train to take me back to the City I wasn’t quite sure what to do with my emotions. I had never witnessed that type of suffering. Many of the patients at the center had been there for over 20 years, some had been abandoned by their families, and most would never fully recover from their injuries. I felt helpless, ignorant, sad and small. What did any of these people do to deserve this? I felt like I couldn’t do anything to remove the pain and suffering.

In some of my recent studying on Buddhism, I learned that the Buddha taught that you can’t reach Nirvana until you have passed the stage of becoming fully human. The only way to become fully human is to witness true suffering and take on that suffering as your own. I obviously still have a long way to go in extinguishing my “Self” but I felt like I became a little bit more human that day in Jersey. I don’t know what its like to be confined to a wheelchair, unable to communicate through speech and needing 24 hour medical assistance. What I do know is that I was immersed in a pool of human suffering and I swam through it and emerged totally drenched and a little out of breath but in the end feeling more refreshed and alive. I left a piece of my heart with my friend in Jersey and she gave me a piece of hers. Suffering doesn’t have to be permanent; it can be turned into something beautiful. From witnessing or experiencing suffering, we can learn to be more compassionate and treat others with loving-kindness. I think sometimes that all the misery and anguish in the world is a test to get us closer to divine love. As each day goes by, my friend gains strength, her smile becomes brighter and her eyes have an amazing sparkle. I see divine love in her and I will never cease to learn from her…she is an inspiration.

Finding pain in all the right places...

2008-07-14T14:13:00.007-04:00

"I am a work in progress,
dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding,
offering me intricate patterns of questions,
rythms that never come clean,
and strengths that you still haven't seen."
- Ani DiFranco, The Slant / The Diner

About a month ago I was practicing ashtanga and I injured my hamstring as I came down unevenly in supta konasana. Now, I’m a pretty tough girl and I hate to sound like a total wuss but it hurt….it hurt real bad…so bad I wanted to cry. Supta konasana was a pose I had done countless times without any difficulty or hesitation. Why did I screw it up this time? What was different about my practice on that day? I didn’t know the answer for a while but eventually it came to me because it was so obvious…I had become complacent in my asana practice. I have no idea where my drishti was at that moment or whether I was breathing properly. I wasn’t present at all. Bandas? Forget it, I probably threw those out the window too. I had done away with everything that is essential for a successful practice.

Initially, I was really mad about hurting my hamstring. My teacher told me to ice my injury immediately and when I thought I had iced enough to ice it some more then ice again until kingdom come. I tried this icing process but I had absolutely no patience for icing nor did I have the time to sit around and ice my butt all day. I became even more upset and frustrated when I tried practicing ashtanga a few days later only to discover I couldn’t do most of the asanas I had worked so hard to master for almost a year…grrrrrrr. I hobbled around for a few weeks mumbling and complaining about my pain but I wasn’t doing anything about it. I didn’t ice and I continued to wear high-heels despite my teacher’s strong advice against it. I couldn’t stop thinking about my pain as a huge set-back.

When I feel frustrated with my yogic development I often look to my teachers, fellow ashtangis and the revered gurus for some words of wisdom. I picked up one of my ashtanga books, turned to the commentary on Pantanjali’s Yoga Sutras and skimmed through some of the text I had highlighted during my teacher training. Part II of the Sutras discusses certain spiritual disciplines and how they can bring pleasure or pain depending on whether we allow various afflictions to cloud our minds. As it turns out, pain is really a condition of the mind, it isn’t physical at all. It is associated with fear, vice and impurity…all of which keep us in a state of spiritual ignorance. Because our bodies are poisoned with the ego, our actions induce sadness, attachment, aversion and lots of pain. When we are in this place of emptiness, we are unable to recognize what is eternal and pure or what resides in our own true nature. Only when we finally decide to confront our fears and stop viewing pain as regression and negative, we become free from it.

All the answers...right there. I acknowledged that my pain wasn't the result of any physical injury or response from my ashtanga practice; rather it was due to a mental blockage. My mind was in a state of delusion. I wasn’t present; I was totally distracted and completely unaware. That’s a recipe for ashtanga disaster.

My hamstring hurts less and less everyday. My pain has allowed me to be more present in my practice. It has become a catalyst for improvement because when I feel the pain, my drishti, bandas and breath get kicked into high gear and take priority over any physical discomfort. Naturally, because I’m still an unenlightened human, my ego gets in the way every now and then but my new mantra - I love my hammy, but I’m not attached to it – helps me along the way.

Did this really happen?

2008-05-27T16:38:00.014-04:00

The yoga crew with our teacher, Sati, Guruji and his daughter, Saraswati

23 March 2008

Expressing my Islamorada experience in words is not going to be easy…but I’m giving it a shot.

On the 23rd of March 2008 nine ashtangis, including myself, from Yoga Life went on an 8 hour road trip to Islamorada, Florida for the grand opening of the Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute U.S.A. Our excitement and anticipation was indescribable. Not only were we going to be witnesses to this amazing historical event in yoga history, we were going to be meeting the one and only, Sri Krishna Phattabhi Jois and his daughter, Saraswati.

When we arrived to the condo we began to get all glammed up with dresses, hair and make-up like we were meeting the Queen of England or something. On our way to the shala, Sati was in the back seat and I guess in a way of bringing us back to reality, she said, “guys, we’re about to meet Guruji.”

There are no words to describe how I felt walking into the shala and seeing Guruji for the first time. My immediate reaction was to cry…but I was able to hold it back. Then, I just felt extremely weak, like my legs were going to collapse. All I could do was stare at him and embrace the overwhelming sense of shock of being in his presence.

During the teacher training program, we talked about Guruji as if he were royalty (and he kinda sorta is), like he sat on a huge golden chair behind elevated gates and armed guards or something. But when I saw him, he was just…a man, with a gentle smile, soft, sparkling eyes and grandfather-like demeanor (who rolled into class on the last day with a beanie...I mean, how awesome is that?). From some of the stories I heard about Guruji, I think I was expecting someone more aggressive or intimidating. I will hold that memory deep in my heart.

And…oh….Saraswati. All I can say is “WOW”. She led most of the classes while we were there. She is just an amazing force of greatness. When I look at her I see loyalty, love, maternal goodness, strength…like it could have been my own Mother teaching class. It was so great to take led primary with her, especially since ashtanga was originally taught and practiced only by men. Having her walk by us during our practice sporting her adidas sweat pants and cute little fuschia-painted toes gave me a great sense of…I don’t know…triumph and comfort.

I remember over 2 years ago watching the NYC Guruji documentary on television with my Dad and thinking that I could never attempt such a difficult form of yoga. It was so foreign to me…I could never be a part of that “world.” Little did I know that one day I would be in Guruji’s presence and bow before his feet.

This is going to begin to sound like the academy awards now...but, I would like to take this opportunity to give express many, many, many thanks to my parents who have given me endless support (both financial and emotional) on my yoga journey. If it wasn’t for them, I’d probably have to resort to a life of crime in order to fund my yogic “excursions.” :-)

I also have to thank my fellow ashtangis/colleagues/friends/road-trip buddies/roomies for sharing this experience with me: Pinky, Isa, Sati, Pria, Annie, Radha, Stacy and Mia. In the words of Ani DiFranco "we gotta have a good explanation for all the fun that we had." I love you guys.

Lastly, I would like to thank my yoga teacher, Sati because without her ashtanga and Pattabhi Jois would never have entered my world. Thanks to her I have the understanding and education of Guruji’s impact on such an important aspect of my life. A shout-out to Sara Torbett for allowing Sati to cultivate the ashtanga program at Yoga Life.

I am so grateful to be a part of this amazing history…

Saraswati Namastubyam

Varde Kamaroopani Vidya Aarambham

Karishyami Siddhi Bhavatu Me Sada

Finding Solid Ground

2008-05-02T16:03:00.014-04:00

This time of year for a law student is very stressful. Final exams are beginning to rear their ugly little heads and emotions of anxiety, fear and nervousness are all around. Distractions suddenly begin to pop up. I have the immediate urge to clean my closet, tidy up my drawers, make cupcakes, and do anything that will distract me from having to actually sit down and just study.

Yesterday, I practiced Ashtanga primary series for the first time in quite awhile. I had gotten a bit too comfortable in doing half of primary series and forgot how challenging it was for me to do the last half of the practice. I think I kicked the girl practicing next to me a few times. I felt wobbly in my chatarangas and in my attempt at Marichyasana C I started to think about what the requirements were for an arrest warrant (letting my Constitutional Criminal Procedure class get the best of me). I even managed to screw up the closing prayer by taking over for the teacher mid-chant (good times).

Once again, I found comfort for my ashtangic short-comings in the Bhagavad Gita (you can seriously open that book to any page and find instant answers…its magic). In Chapter 3, discussing the Yoga of Action, Krishna says to Arjuna: “It is better to do your own duty badly, than to perfectly do another’s; you are safe from harm when you do what you should be doing” (3.35).

I practiced Ashtanga full primary. I got in the car and drove to the studio. I might not have practiced perfectly or been fully present, but I was there and how I practiced was where I was in my practice (I know that makes sense to all you yogis out there). I know I have a long and challenging road ahead of me in my Ashtanga studies but I acknowledge it, live with it and move on.

I look forward to practicing a few Mysore classes at Yoga Life this month and continuing to do what I should be doing.

Now, back to Constitutional Criminal Procedure….

~ Namaste ~

Eat, Play & Ashtanga...Miami Style

2008-03-17T00:16:00.010-04:00

With the sad news of Guruji canceling his long-awaited two-week workshop in Islamorada, a few of my fellow yogini friends, Isa, Pria & Finelli, decided to embrace the weekend and head to Miami to take Mysore classes at the Miami Life Center. We had heard what an amazing yoga shala this was from our yoga teacher, Sati and had taken several Ashtanga workshops with MLC co-founder, Tim Feldman. Thanks to Pria's Mother, who has a gorgeous condo in Key Biscayne we didn't have to worry about accommodations.

When we arrived at MLC early Friday morning on March 14th, the four of us were like little girls going to a giant dollhouse heaven. We were so excited to finally be in the presence of Kino McGregor, an Ashtanga teacher certified by Sri. K. Phattabhi Jois himself. When she entered the room, I looked over at Pria and mouthed the words "Oh my God!" as if Gwen Stefani had just walked into the room or something. We had seen this extraordinary woman on the cover of Yoga Journal, and on several YouTube videos doing amazing asanas that would blow your mind. When we began Mysore class, Kino controlled the room with an elegant, graceful dictatorship and peaceful intensity that sent chills throughout my body. There were many visitors at MLC practicing that day and she had this amazing ability of knowing where everyone was in their Ashtanga practice despite the fact that she had never met many of the practitioners before. Kino is definitely a great feminine power force of light, love and elegance. Her manner reminds me very much of Sati.

The next morning we took led primary class with Greg Nardi, who was like another famous celebrity to us. After class was over we hesitantly approached him like little groupies and asked if we could take a picture with him. We saw this man do a levitating hand stand on YouTube which left me speechless. The highlight of the class was when he had us hold head stand for 3 minutes (and its a pose I'm accustomed to holding for about 45 seconds, max...on a good day). That was such a humbling moment...Greg told us that he heard Guruji say many times that you can really only measure an asana by how long you can stay in it...something that I'm sure I've heard Sati discuss on an occasion or two, but it really made me think about my yoga practice and what I am really doing in it?

The day after Greg's class, we placed ourselves in familiar, comfortable and loving territory by going to Tim Feldman's Mysore class. Thanks to our yoga teachers at Yoga Life, we have come to know and love Tim from taking several workshops with him. His warm and friendly hugs and kisses immediately set us at ease for Mysore.

I had a realization in class at MLC that I am in a battle with Ashtanga yoga (and have been...for quite some time). Every time I practice Ashtanga, I am fighting with it. When I come to the mat to practice, I feel like I have armed myself with a sword and shield. When Ashtanga is defeating me in a certain asana, my body begins to defend itself against it. I become afraid that Ashtanga will win and take over me and hold me prisoner. I will have no choice but to surrender to Ashtanga and be it's slave forever. Any trace of who I was before will have disappeared and my identity will be lost...and there will be nothing left of me except the bones and remains of a caged captive. Then...fortunately...in moments of reason during the "battle", I think to myself...I should be SO lucky to be Ashtanga's slave, hellloooo! This is what I have been working towards....it's what I want to happen. Why am I so afraid to go to a place that I have established as my final destination? I know...it all sounds very dramatic for yoga...but, that's how it is.

When we weren't practicing Ashtanga at MLC we basically spent our time eating, laying by the pool, eating, listening to Ani DiFranco, hanging on the beach and more eating. The weather was beautiful, I never knew where my cell phone was and I did nothing related to law school for four days. It was AWESOME. I give much appreciation and many thanks to Tim, Kino and Greg and the MLC team for making our visit so beautiful, pleasant and wonderful. I also give lots of love to Pria, Isa and Finelli for all their openess and giving.

Aaahhh...the Gita, my true love

2008-02-26T16:59:00.005-05:00

During my yoga teacher training, the Bhagavad-Gita was a required text. I read it. I liked it, found some inspiration, got a little "wisdom." But I didn't really read it. The first time around, I was reading it as a pupil who was told to read it. I guess I was approaching the book like I would a homework assignment. Now that I have completed my training program I can't put the book down! It's by my bedside. I take it with me when I teach yoga class. I read passages from it to my students. There are all these tabbies sticking out of it. I know part of it has to do with the fact that I recently purchased a newer translation of it. The one by Stephen Mitchell, which Sati, my yoga teacher recommended. It is a much better edition than the previous one I read. I think the bigger part of it is that I am reading it with new eyes, a new identity, a little bit more "educated" intellect perhaps.

Now, I honestly feel like I am reading it for the first time. Everyday I continue to find new messages within it. When I read passages from the Gita, I seem to receive more clarity, more understanding and more peace. When I am looking for answers about God, life, death, friendships, my yoga practice, the future, anything, really, I pick it up and amazingly enough, the solutions are right there in front me. There is no need to search any further.

The passages that have stuck with me this week, and which I also read to my yoga class this morning, are in chapter 2. Krishna is talking to Arjuna about the practice of yoga and is beginning to enlighten Arjuna about "the Self "and how his mind is filled with delusion:

"This is philosophy's wisdom;
now hear the wisdom of yoga.
Armed with this understanding,
you will shatter your karmic bonds.

On this path no effort is wasted,
no gain is ever reversed;
even a little of this practice
will shelter you from great sorrow."

[2:39-40]

Mahatma Gandhi referred to the Gita as his Bible. I am definitely no Gandhi but I feel like the Gita is kind of my "Bible" too. I think...if I ever have a baby girl, her name will be Gita....even if I have a boy, maybe I'll still name him Gita. When I die, I want to be cremated and I want those crematory-people, or whatever you call them, to throw in a copy of the Gita with my body, so I can forever rest with it...in hard-copy that is....

Vagina Warriors Unite! Ahimsa & V-DAY 2008!

2008-02-23T21:58:00.009-05:00

Rehearsal for the Vagina Monologues has begun! For the next 4 weeks until opening night, I’ll be plugging the show, doing a bit of promoting. Performances are on March 21st and 22nd at 5 Points Theater in Riverside. If you are in the Jacksonville area, I know you will have nothing better to do than come and see the show. I am not sure at this point how much tickets are or what time the performance begins (I know, I'm such a well-informed promoter), but will post as soon as I find out. I believe tickets are in the $20.00 – $30.00 range and I think curtain goes up at 8 pm. Last year both performances were sold out, so get your tickets ASAP.

I can't give away too much about the show, but I can tell you that the goal of V-Day is to educate the community about violence against women and what to do to bring an end to it. For all you yogis out there, I know you are fully aware of ahimsa or non-violence, one of the yamas (observances) of the eight-limbed yogic path. The Monologues are ALL ABOUT ahimsa (I'm no Patanjali, but I know we need to practice ahimsa in order to reach samadhi, that little place also known as "enlightenment").

To learn more about the V-Day cause and the Monologues, visit http://www.vday.org/. All proceeds benefit the Hubbard House, a shelter for victims of violence and abuse. It’s for a good cause! Thanks for your support!

Ladies & Gentlemen, Please Welcome "Shivani"...

2008-02-17T19:46:00.011-05:00

Today was an amazing day. The weather was gorgeous. There was sunshine and a beautiful breeze. I graduated from my yoga program. The feeling that I've had all day is the feeling you get when you finish reading a great book. The story was so great that you're sad its over, you want to keep reading. It's like you feel emptiness, not a bad emptiness, just a sense of uncertainty about the next step to take.

My teachers, Sara and Sati put so much work into making it such a special day. We began the day by attending Pooja, which is a Hindu worship ceremony. The Hindu Priest went out of his way to welcome us and even focused his lecture around the different forms of yoga. We listened to his beautiful chanting and were extremely amazed when we recognized most of the chants he was singing! I am so grateful to Sati for having taught us those chants.

After Pooja, we went to Sara's house for lunch and the ceremony. The ceremony was so beautiful, warm and peaceful. Sati gave a very inspiring speech about the path of yoga and how yoga is a constant state of learning and pondering. She said, “To be a yogi is to be a spiritual adventurer who embarks on the most daring, mysterious, divinely lit ride of existence. And in the middle of it all, do not underestimate your power. Do not underestimate your core.”

This has definitely been an adventure and I definitely underestimated where this training program would take me. After her speech, Sati handed us our certificates and Sanskrit names. I had been waiting for this moment for 6 months with so much excitement and anticipation! When I opened the envelope and saw Shivani written on the piece of paper, I felt a sense of peace come over me. All of a sudden I felt like I had received some sort of closure from a life I had abandoned and forgotten about.

Shivani is the name of the Hindu Goddess, Parvati. From some of the internet research I read about Shivani, I learned that she was the second love of the God, Shiva. She was believed to be a reincarnation of Shiva’s first love, Sati. Parvati was also the mother of Ganesha, one of the most worshiped deities in Hinduism who is known as the “Remover of Obstacles.” Parvati is said to symbolize divine power and maternal devotion. In some Hindu communities, it is believed that Parvati is the source of all power in the universe because without her, Shiva would be powerless and weak. On certain festivals honoring Parvati, she is celebrated as the goddess of harvest and protector of women. She is typically depicted with bare breasts, carrying a pink lotus and showing the abhaya mudra which is a hand gesture of fearlessness.

I do feel fearless today. I love my new name. It’s beautiful and I feel honored to have received it. Except, now that I know that Shivani was a reincarnation of Sati, I feel like I have some major shoes to fill! My teacher, Sati is definitely an inspiration and I will always work to make her proud and promote the education she has given me.

Today is a day that no one can take away from me. I will always have today’s memories and the experiences in my heart. I know that the adventures have just begun!!!!

Happy Bhakti Day!

2008-02-14T00:06:00.001-05:00

Peace, Love & Yoga Graduation!

2008-02-12T22:47:00.000-05:00

In just 4 days I will be receiving my yoga certification. 6 months of hard work over in the blink of an eye. There will be a ceremony, pictures will be taken, I have to wear my yoga uniform...its just like college graduation except cooler. The most exciting part is that I'll be getting a Sanskrit name. A new name. Wow. I don't know what it is yet, but I know that it will symbolize a new me. The person that Yoga and its philosophy has transformed me into. No matter what, I will cherish that name forever. I will keep it and hold it close in my heart....

Speaking of the heart, and with Valentine's Day just around the corner...it is always around this time of year when I begin to feel an overwhelming sense of love for the people around me. My law school classmates, my fellow yoginis & soon-to-be collegues, my yoga teachers, my professors. It's not the kind of love you naturally feel on a daily basis, but it's the kind of love that just makes you want to approach a person and give them a 10 minute hug for no reason at all, and if you don't you feel like you are going to burst. Each day I am extremely grateful to that Divine force for having brought me to Jacksonville so that I could meet these wonderful individuals. So many blessings, so much love, so many thanks....

Om Namaha Shivaya